Air Force Chaplain Corps provides spiritual care and the opportunity for
Airmen, their families, and other authorized personnel to exercise their
constitutional right to the free exercise of religion.
What we strive to bring to you:
And Much More, Ask Us!
A Word from our Wing Chaplain – “I want our Chapel experience to be filled with warmth, love, good instruction, inspiration, and of course… free doughnuts. All are welcome, see you there!” - Chaplain Crandell
“Caring is not a Religious thing or a Military thing, it is simply a human thing.” - Master Sgt. Magee, 152nd Airlift Wing Chaplain Assistant
“The Chaplains may be officers, but see them first as friends and mentors. They are the last people you should ever stray from.” - Senior Airman McClain, 152nd Airlift Wing Chaplain Assistant
"So… What Else do we do? We also do magic tricks, play music, and cook. We will even come visit you to say ‘Hi’, just call us if you want to hang out!” - Staff Sgt. Taylor, 152nd Airlift Wing Chaplain Assistant
Marriage Minute #38
The six-month experiment
Ann said to Dr. Chapman, ‘we were in love before we got married, but not long after our marriage, we came down off the high and we never learned to speak each other’s love language. My tank has been empty for years, and I am sure his has also. I would like to see us doing things together, going places together. I would like to feel that he is interested in my world. I’d like to feel he values my ideas. I would like to see us taking trips together and having fun.’ ‘Okay Ann, here’s my idea for you…Spend the next six months consistently speaking your husbands love language, somewhere along the line his emotional need for love will be met; and as his emotional tank is filled, he will then begin to reciprocate love to you. One more thing Ann, ask him how you can be a better wife to him.’” Of course, the same experiment and question can be initiated by the husband as well. Even better, when both partners do the experiment on each other for six months and monthly ask the question, “How can I be a better spouse/patrtner to you?
My take: It’s very challenging to take initiative to make your marriage better. It requires humility, love and patience. But loving another person in the way you want to be loved, can produce a miracle in your marriage.Be blessed, Ch. Donald R. Crandell
Marriage Minute #37
Do you value each other's values?
For every value held by one spouse, the other spouse can respond in one of three ways. He can treat it as a value, too, which is nice for everybody. On the other hand, she can treat It differently, either as a nonvalue or as an unvalue. The distinction here is slight but significant. A nonvalue is the middle-of-the-road approach. It’s considered not necessarily valuable. People are indifferent about nonvalues. In contrast, people care about unvalues, but they care in a negative direction. People don’t merely not like unvalues; people dislike them. In every marriage, there is a unique combination of values, unvalues, and nonvalues. In order for these to connect, the husband and wife have to do adapting and accepting. Without forfeiting their values, couples have to find a way to scoot toward the middle. Dan Seaborn & Peter Newhouse, SYMBIS
My take: Believe in your values and work really hard to appreciate your spouse’s values too. Be blessed, Ch. Donald R. Crandell
Marriage Minute #36
Blaming each other for debt is damaging:
Which financial fear tops your list?
Lack of influence – not having a say in your financial approach
Loss of security – not having enough to live on or enough for emergencies
Lack of respect – not receiving respect from your partner on finances
Not realizing dreams – not being able to do what you want in the future
One of the most common mistakes newlyweds make is accumulating debt in the first year of marriage. Debt can be a major source of conflict for couples. The bottom line of a debt discussion is to ensure that you are not blaming each other for the debt. It’s time to pull together, dig out of it, and stay out of it. SYMBIS
My take: The first step to getting out of debt as a couple…is talking about it. Be blessed, Ch. Donald R. Crandell
Marriage Minute #35
Emotional Bad Habits Affect Relationships
Negative self-talk develops negative emotional habits. It’s a response you learn, and it becomes automatic because you use it so much. It’s like an addiction, only a negative thinking pattern is the drug of choice. Negative emotions, created by negative thoughts, are habits, just like your self-talk is a habit. They’re not necessarily tied to your personality. It’s not a matter of genes. And because of that, there’s hope for change. What’s been learned can be unlearned. Emotional bad habits are losing games like playing against an opponent with loaded dice. As long as you keep playing with them, you will keep on losing. Norman Wright, A Better Way to Think
My two cents: Think only positive thoughts about your spouse or significant other today…and I’ll bet you will feel better about them and you. Be blessed, Ch. Donald R. Crandell
Marriage Minute #34
What about spiritual compatibility?
In the SYMBIS tool that I recommend to couples, there is a section on spiritual compatibility. The designers of the tool say this about spiritual compatibility, “One of the single biggest stumbling blocks to spiritual intimacy in a marriage – where two believing individuals feel out of sync with each other’s spirit – is a failure to understand and appreciate the other’s spiritual language. In other words, if one doesn’t recognize that their partner’s means of communion with God is valid, they discount it. Intentionally or not, they send a message to their partner that says you don’t know God like I do. There are many reasons for an uneven level of spiritual interests between partners. But whatever the reason, over time, as the dichotomy of differences seems more and more pronounced for some couples,a deadly potion of two major ingredients is brewing. Disappointment on one side and guilt on the other,mix to create a powerful saboteur of spiritual intimacy.
The next time you have a chance to talk about spirituality with your spouse finish this sentence: My spiritual life has been…(You might be surprised how your thoughts actually build spiritual intimacy).
Marriage Minute #33
We're not entitled to our anger
I was recently handed a book called, “Unoffendable.” It’s an interesting idea that certainly runs against our culture and has huge implications for relationships. The author states that, “Being offended is a tiring business. Letting things go gives you energy. In my experience, people-all-people thrive on being offended. It makes us feel more righteous to get aggravated at the behavior of other people. And that’s true of all of us, not just religious folk. Your life will become less stressful when you give up your right to anger and offense. Giving up our right to be offended can be one of the most healthy, simplifying, relaxing, refreshing, stress-relieving, encouraging things we can do. Unoffendable, Brett Hansen
Why not try to drop the anger, let things go, embrace forgiveness and choose to be unoffendable…toward your partner…at least for a day? It may make you or your relationship a tad bit better.
Marriage Minute #32
I'm just not 'in love' anymore
Some couples believe that the end of the “in love” experience means they have only two options: resign themselves to a life of misery with their spouse; or jump ship and try again. Our generation has opted for the latter, whereas the earlier generation often chose the former. There’s a better option: We can recognize the “in-love” experience for what it was--a temporary emotional high—and now pursue “real love” with our spouse. That kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman
If you’re not feeling in love with your spouse, you have a perfect opportunity to pursue real love with them.
Marriage Minute #31
For those of us with kids... here's a good reminder
Teach them where their real value comes from. Children need to know – and parents, especially fathers, are the ones to teach them. – that they have intrinsic self-worth. Never let your children doubt how much they mean to you. Never let them doubt, if you are a religious believer, that they were brought into this world by God, formed in his image, and born for a reason. Never let them doubt that their value is independent of any achievements, talents, or groups of friends they have; their value comes from being your son or daughter, from being, if you have faith, a child of God. As they become teenagers, just telling them that you love them and they are irreplaceable to youis enough. Keep it simple, Keep it truthful. And keep on saying it.
Hero, Being the Strong Father your Children need, Meg Meeker
Marriage Minute #30
What would you say is the thing you want from your marriage?
Most people we’ve asked – answered the same thing: To have a friend who will be there for them. Couples get together because they want the happiness, fun and intimacy that come from being best friends.With time, though, the role of friend can get buried under all the roles a partner may take on: husband orwife, parent, coworker, club president, soccer coach, problem solver, teacher, and on and on. Although it’sdefinitely important to have friends outside your marriage, being friends with your partner will make you both happier and more satisfied with life.
12 Hours to a Great Marriage
"The only way to have a friend is to be one," Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson
Marriage Minute #29
A Secret About Men...
So what is it that men want? In a word, men want respect. That means a man wants to be held in esteem and to be shown consideration and appreciation – even when he makes mistakes. He wants to be seen as a hero, especially in the eyes of his bride. He needs someone to believe in him when the odds are stacked against him. If he doesn’t feel respected, he’s destined to act in a way reminiscent of the obnoxious, ‘I-can’t-get-no-respect,’ Rodney Dangerfield. He becomesinsulting, bug-eyed, and generally gross. Men need to be respected for who they are, not for whatthey do. If they don’t feel respected, they can’t survive.
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor
Marriage Minute #28
Recovering from an affair
Maybe you or someone you know has had an affair and caused you to ask the question, ‘Is there any hope for our marriage to recover?’ I have some good news for you according to Willard Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs. “Frankly, when I first started counseling couples caught in the snare of infidelity, I didn’t think their marriages could survive. At best, I thought they might stick it out for the sake of their Children in a lifetime of resentment and regret. I had no idea that they could survive the ordeal to create a better marriage than they had ever experienced. The steps to recovery are:
1. End the affair – cease all contact with his/her lover
2. Create transparency – Radical honesty. Share thoughts, feelings, dreams, habits, daily activities
3. Meet each other’s basic needs – Create a romantic relationship as passionate as the affair
If your relationship has survived an affair I would love to hear how you did it. As always, your response Is confidential with me and without any follow up, unless you seek it.
Marriage Minute #27
Making happy together
No doubt about it, love and happiness make beautiful music together. But truth be told, happiness is in short supply for too many time-starved and sleep-deprived couples. And the reason, we suspect, is that they don’t work at it—or more likely, they don’t know how to make it. Happiness, after all, is not something that happens, it’s something you make. Some even call it quits for this very reason, saying: ‘We’re just not happy anymore.’ Really? Is being married supposed to make you happy? No. That’s not how it works. Marriage doesn’t make you happy—you make your marriage happy. As the saying goes, you bring your own weather to the picnic.
Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, Making Happy
Marriage Minute #26
Have you faced the myths of marriage honestly?
For too long, marriage has been saddled with unrealistic expectations and misguided assumptions. Liberated from these four myths, couples can settle into the real world of marriage – with all its joys and sorrows, passion and pain.
1. Myth # 1 – We expect exactly the same things from marriage – What we anticipate seldom occurs, what we least expect generally happens – especially in marriage. Saying, “I do,” brings with it a host of conscious and unconscious expectations that aren’t always fulfilled.
2. Myth # 2 – Everything good in our relationship will get better – Many things improve in relationships, but some things become more difficult. Marriage means giving up a carefree lifestyle and coming to terms with new limits. It means unexpected inconveniences. The most dramatic loss experienced in a new marriage is the idealized image you have of your partner.
3. Myth # 3 – Everything bad in my life will disappear – Deep down, we long for a Prince Charming or Cinderella to right the wrongs and make everything bad go away. But no matter how glorious the Institution of marriage, it is not a substitute for the glorious work of inner spiritual healing. Marriage is not a magical glass slipper.
4. Myth # 4 – My spouse will make me whole – The idea of “opposites attract” is based on the Phenomenon that many individuals are drawn to people who complement them. Marriage is a God-given way to improve and hone our beings, but neither marriage nor our partner will magically make us whole.
Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Marriage Minute #25
What if I can't discover my primary love lanugage?
Maybe you’ve taken the 5 Love Language Profile but you’re still not sure what your top love language is. Remember there are 5 possibilities: Acts of Service; Quality Time; Physical Touch; Verbal Affirmation & Receiving Gifts. Gary Chapman gives 3 approaches to discovering your love language beyond just taking the profile. Here they are:
1. Observe how you most often express love to others. If you’re regularly doing Acts of Service for others, this may be your love language. If you’re consistently verbally affirming other people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language. The love language you most frequently speak in, is most likely how you receive love.
2. Consider what you complain about most often. When you say to your wife, “I don’t think you’d ever touch if I didn’t initiate it,” your revealing that Physical Touch is your primary love language. When your husband goes on a trip and you’re upset he didn’t bring you anything home, it may indicate your love language is Receiving Gifts. Or if you frequently say, “We don’t ever spend time together,” Quality Time may be your love language.
3. Think of the requests you make of your spouse most often. If you’re saying, “Give me a back rub,” you’re asking for Physical Touch. If you say something like, “We should get away for a weekend this month,” you’re revealing your need for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to clean out your closet this afternoon?” That question expresses your desire for Acts of Service.
For best results in your relationships; know your primary love language and that of your spouse/partner. If you want to take the profile or talk more about the 5 Love Languages, don’t hesitate to call Ch. Crandell @ 788-4651.
Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages
Marriage Minute #24
Reasons to pursue help with your marraige/relationship
1. It needs an overhaul. Maybe the engine is shot and you need to have it completely gone-thru and rebuilt. You know that if you don’t get some help, very little will change and it will die a slow death.
2. It needs a tune-up. Maybe you’re just not hitting on all cylinders and it just doesn’t run like it used to. Greasing the communication gears, adding some date-night fuel and reaffirming your love is all that is needed.
3. Annual Maintenance could be all that’s needed. It’s like getting a physical once a year. It’s maintenance & prevention. Changing the oil and fluids of sharing frustrations, dreams, fears and needs will provide a clean bill of health.
4. Or maybe everything is going very well, but you want to go from good to great. Only the two of you have the power to determine the status of your marriage/relationship. So, why not choose to make it great.
Marriage Minute #23
Four patterns of Courtship
Dr. Ted Huston. University of Texas professor followed more than 168 first-time newlyweds for fourteen years-from their dating years into their marriages. He identified 4 patterns of courtship.
1. Early Exiters – These couples should have never married. Their courtship was speckled with Emotionally draining breakups followed by passionate making up.
2. Firework romances – Madly in love, whirlwind romance. A beautiful burst that lit up the sky but quickly fizzled with unrealized differences and unrealistic expectations in marriage.
3. Status quo settlers – Their courtship lacked luster but set aside their doubts, thinking that marriage would breathe new life into their relationship. They stayed married but weren’t happy.
4. Stable loving investors – These couples didn’t have an overly dramatic courtship. They invested time in building a warm & cooperative relationship. Falling in love was a core ingredient in the making of a long-term romance, but also required the building of a strong friendship.
Let’s make our marriage last by spending our time pursuing a Stable Loving Investor. How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, John Van Epp, Ph.D.
Marriage Minute #22
Are we that different?
While science has shown that men and women are in fact wired differently—that gender differences have as much to do with the biology of the brain as the way we were raised—we have difficulty accepting, let alone appreciating, our differences. So, what do men and women need to know about each other?
• Men say women are too emotional…Women say men aren’t sensitive enough
• Men say women don’t feel as much pressure to provide…Women say men don’t do enough housework
• Men say women frequently deny their real power…Women say men are afraid to be vulnerable
• Men say women talk too much…Women say men don’t listen
Making marriage work, however, does not depend solely on recognizing our differences. It’s a matter of appreciating those differences too. Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Marriage Minute #21
Four Communication Germs that Can Kill Your Marriage
Does it seem that you can never have a discussion with your mate without arguing? If this is true of your marriage, you need to understand what may be burrowing beneath the surface that causes these outbreaks. Relationship experts have identified four main relational “germs.”
1) Withdrawal – Withdrawal occurs when one mate shuts out the other after an argument starts.
2) Escalation – When mates become entrenched in their positions & focus on winning the argument.
3) Belittling – When one mate accuses the other of being dumb or stupid in their judgements and opinions.
4) Exaggerated or False Beliefs – One mate believing the other is intentionally doing things to weaken the marriage.
So, the way to kill these germs is to focus on the Win/Win method of communication. The best way to do this Is to look into the heart of the other without judgement and condemnation and make an effort to understand. Learning to negotiate differences is one of the keys to a happy marriage. I Promise, Dr. Gary Smalley
Marriage Minute #20
Communication: The number 1 reason for divorce
The captain of the Road Prison 36 in the movie Cool Hand Luke claimed, in his Southern drawl, ‘What we have here is a failure to communicate.’ How we communicate affects everything: the issues we deal with, whether or not conflict gets resolved, and ultimately how we behave toward each other. Whether you’ve been married for one month, one year, or fifty years, you have to work on communicating with each other; it does not come naturally. Communication is the fresh, breathable air of every relationship. Without communication skills, couples suffocate under the stress of unrealized expectations. So, here’s just one quick fact: Men talk to communicate facts or information, not to build relationships. Men tend to talk inside their own heads. But men, take note…One of the keys to sexual intimacy with a woman is something most guys would never think of: talking. Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor
Marriage Minute #19
Avoid needless conflict in 10 minutes or less
This exercise is called, “sharing with-holds.” It’s an easy strategy for sharing thoughts and feelings you may have withheld from each other. Write two things your partner has done in the last 48 hours that you sincerely appreciated but did not tell him/her.
For example, “I appreciate the compliment you gave me as I got out of the car yesterday.”
Next, write one thing your partner has done in the last 48 hours that irritated you, but you didn’t say anything about.
For example, “I didn’t like it when you said nothing about the meal I prepared last night.”
I didn’t like it when…._____________________________________________________________________________
Now, here’s the ROE’s:
1) Take turns sharing your three with the negative sandwiched between the two positives.
2) The person receiving can only respond with “thank you.”
3) You can’t discuss the negative for at least 30 minutes after you hear it.
This approach will allow couples to receive critiques in the context of affirmation.
Try this once a week, you might just like it. Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts – Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Marriage Minute #18
When we withdraw it makes things worse
That’s because the person who pushes the issue generally gets more frustrated and angry each time the withdrawer pulls away. And that makes the pursuer push harder—which makes the withdrawer withdraw more, leaving the issue completely unsolved. So what can you do?
• Remember you’re a team—you’re talking to find a solution, not to win
• Remember that your action will cause a reaction
• Start an important discussion gently and talk calmly—raising your voice doesn’t help
• If your partner withdraws, don’t push the issue. Take a time out and reschedule discussion
• Talk with your partner about the fact that avoiding a problem won’t make it go away
• Look for evidence that the withdrawer cares about you—it’s usually the issue, not you
• Withdrawing can be reduced when pushing is reduced
Marriage Minute #17
Conversing to Inform, Investigate, and Understand
If you have a defensive relationship, where your conversation tends to be critical instead of supportive, you may deliberately give each other misinformation. You may discourage investigation. You may be afraid to be understood by your spouse. A satisfying marriage will inform each other of personal feelings, interests, and activities. It’s being completely transparent with each other, hiding nothing. A satisfying marriage investigates each other’s personal feelings, interests, and activities without being demanding, disrespectful, or angry when you hear something you feel should be changed. A satisfying marriage seeks understanding of each other’s personal feelings, interests, and activities, which brings out the best in each other and avoids the worst. One of the most important ways for you to care in marriage is to respond to that understanding with changes in your behavior that promote pleasure and avoid pain for each other.” His Needs Her Needs, Willard Harley
Marriage Minute #16
Intimate Conversation – She can’t do without it
Second to the need for affection is the need for intimate conversation…at least for most women. The question is, ‘why do men find it easy to talk to women about personal concerns when they are dating’? First, he wants to know the woman and understand her. Secondly, he wants to learn how to be attractive to her. This shows her how much he cares about her and thinks of her. But after marriage he feels that he’s learned enough about her and he’s proven his care—by marrying her! He forgets that it was their intimate conversations that triggered her feeling of love for him. By removing intimate conversations from their daily lives, he removes one of the most important sources of love units into her Love Bank.” Gentlemen, it’s time to start having those conversations again! His Needs Her Needs, Willard Harley
Marriage Minute #15
Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is ranked second only to sex for the typical husband. So when a wife announces after marriage that she’s no longer interested in joining him in his favorite activities and that he should enjoy them with his friends instead, it usually comes as a shock. It also eliminates one of the most important ways that she makes Love Bank deposits. So, if you have lost interest in the recreational activities that you enjoyed while dating, maybe it’s time to create some new ones to enjoy together. His Needs Her Needs, Willard Harley
Browbeating and nagging doesn't work
I have discovered that we influence change in others far more powerfully when they can see how our own changes have worked for us.For example, I didn’t think my wife was exercising enough to maintain her health, so for many years, I badgered her to accompany me on my daily walks. She refused and began to react negatively because I brought it up so often. Finally, I decided to quit bugging her about her exercise, but I kept on doing it myself. And guess what? You’re right.Now she’s up to six miles a day (mostly at the mall). I couldn’t change her, but my own change motivated her to change. Dr. Gary Smalley, I Promise
Self-Concept – A Key to a Happy Marriage
Self-concept embodies the answer to ‘Who am I and do I like who I am?’ An unhealthy self-concept has been found to be a factor in nearly every aspect of poor mental health and poor relationships. Over 30,000 scholarly articles, chapters, and books have been published on self-concept. Not surprisingly, many of these studies find that marital satisfaction is positively related to a positive self-concept. Likewise, many of these studies have documented a negative correlation between low self-esteem and a fulfilling marriage commitment. A longitudinal study of 70 couples revealed that a person’s self-concept is one of the highest predictors of marital sexual satisfaction for couples. Suffice it to say, that when it comes to marriage, self-concept is a worthy area of exploration SYMBIS – Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
A study asked couples to report nightly for two weeks how grateful they felt toward their partners from their day's interactions. In addition to gratitude, they numerically rated their relationship satisfaction and their feelings of connection with their partner. What did they find? On days that people felt more connected to their partner, they felt better about their relationship and more connected to their partner. Not only that, they also experienced greater happiness and satisfaction in their relationship the following day.
In other words, gratitude helps happiness linger. The benefits don't stop there. the partners of these grateful people felt more connected and were more satisfied with the relationship too. Amazing! Happiness that stems from gratitude is contagious in a relationship. Making Happy: Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Be blessed and Happy New Year!
Marriage Minute #7
Men & Women have different expectations of marriage
When a man falls in love with a woman, his thoughts go something like this: I love her, she’s great—in fact, she is perfect. I love her just the way she is and I hope she never changes. On the other hand, when a woman falls in love with a man, her thoughts are generally something like this: I love him, he’s great, but he really needs some work. Women like to work on relationships, and because marriage represents her greatest relationship, she enjoys working on it. But the thought of working on any relationship makes most men feel ill. You see, to a man, work is something you do to earn money. Relationships don’t fit into a man’s definition of work. We think relationship are the one class of things we should never have to work on. Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage – Mark Gungor
Marriage Minute #6
Stop Invalidating: It could garner you an A+ marriage
If you want to get better at cherishing your spouse, the best thing you can do is stop Invalidating. Bite your lip, blow off steam, walk away, let it go, resist the urge. Stop using that less-than-complimentary nickname. Stop rolling your eyes and sighing. Stop speaking poorly about your spouse and to your spouse. Deny yourself permission to assume the worst. Forbid yourself from lashing out. On the flip side, be forgiving when your spouse has a bad day. Quit with the sarcasm, criticism and insults. Quit talking about how she used to look. Stop bringing up that old argument – let it die already. Force yourself, despite every urge that screams otherwise, to stop invalidating. It will revolutionize – revolutionize – your marriage. Stay Married for Life: Dan Seaborn & Peter Newhouse, AACC Press: 2011
Chaplain (Maj.) Donny Crandell
Chaplain (Capt.) Shay Gilliam
Tech. Sgt. Tinna Taylor, Ch. Asst.
Tech. Sgt. Chad Mitchell, Ch. Asst.
Senior Airman McClain, Ch. Asst.
Fellowship and Prayer
1300 Saturday & Sunday
WORRY FREE WEDNESDAY!!!
The 152nd Airlift Wing Chaplain, Ch. Donny Crandell periodically brings in guest speakers for our Worry Free Wednesday.
These discussions are provided free of charge--and you may even get to partake in some doughnut eating!
Join us on Wednesdays in the Wing Commander's Conference Room for Worry Free Wednesday.